Parental Alienation

Jeanette Forsyth Study: June 2015
Parental Alienation -Children with Trauma and Attachment Disorders.

This investigative research is looking at Parental Alienation occurring in Child Adult relationships. Looking mainly in the relationships that are from Children and Adults with a History including Adoption, Trauma and Attachment Disorders.
Children have the ability especially when trauma and attachment disorders have occurred to go through complete alienation or demonising of an adult. This looks at some of the areas and discusses finding thus far.

Definition:
Alienation in a family is very difficult, one parent becoming the 'hero' 'the Saint' 'the good one' and the one that is idolised. The other parent portrayed as 'the monster', 'the demon', 'the bad one' thus alienated.

For the parent they can do no right, everything they do is wrong, they are portrayed often as something totally away from their character or being or way of behaving.
Not only is the child alienating but they spin a web around to contaminate others, who then in return also start to alienate the Parent. This can be friends, family, Professionals involved. It can be a very unsettling time for the person being alienated and often they find themselves in situations they really don't understand. It can be very emotionally damaging for all concerned. The Alienated Parent can be the target of aggression and violence.
The idolised parent will also start to behave in an alienating way towards the child being sucked into the controlled, manipulative behavioural demands of the child. The child will have very good noticeable manipulation skills and controlling behaviour.

Example:
Alienated Parent has asked the child for an item, the child is withdrawing from the Parent, Child refuses to acknowledge or respond to the Alienated parent. Second, third fourth time asked to hand over, still refusal ( defiant and not compliant, oppositional), next time parent says crossly; it needs to be given. Child refuses. On idolised parent approaches, Child voices and exaggerates that alienated parent is screaming and shouting for something that is not theirs (it is not the child's either it belongs to the Idolised parent) that is needed.
Idolised parent intervenes asking from child who gives immediately, (they had hidden it from alienated parent on coming upstairs knowing they were coming for it) saying it was not alienated parents, alienated parent screamed and shouted (exaggeration as they were using a cross voice not shouting).
Idolised parent says to alienated parent that they should not be screaming and shouting at the child (collusion and cohesion). For child this becomes divide and conquer between idolised parent and alienated parent.

Idolised parent feels that alienated parent needs to stop behaviour and conflict (described by child's thought and reality).  Child feels more power as the division has worked as well further demonising the alienated parent (this unknown to the child makes it a more scary place to be).
The alienated parent does not understand what just happened (often bewildered on why a simple thing has gone so wrong with so much upset) other than child disobeyed a request and they themselves were the one found to be in the wrong (scratching head come to mind).

Gardener (1980) discusses alienation in parents that are separated, however these traits can be found in Children who are in a cycle of Alienation to their Carers.

Signs of Alienation.
The child denigrates the alienated parent with foul swearing language, severe oppositional behaviour and name calling to enhance their perceived power.
Versus
The child will joke and be engaging to the idolised parent, complying willingly to requests, will engage in tasks that have been asked of previously by the alienated parent ( often without question or opposition).

The child offers weak, absurd, or frivolous reasons for his or her anger. Leaving the Alienated parent bewildered on what just happened and why a statement or question or request to do, led to huge anger reactions often parent being hurt with a violent act.
Versus
The child's version and perception of events is they had to do as the other person was at fault and to blame. There is no ownership of what happened. The idolised parent and professionals reaction and view tends to be that the alienated parent must of done something to cause this. That the alienated parent is not being truthful, where actually it is the demonising perception of the child, which is then unmeaningly supported by the idolised parent, family or professional, setting off further demonisation of the alienated parent. Giving the impression the child's thought process was correct.

The child is sure of himself or herself in thought and doesn't no show or demonstrate ambivalence, i.e. love and hate for the alienated parent. The only feeling for the Alienated parent is hate and at times is quite venomous, pay back revengeful behaviours are seen, though the Alienated parent on majority of occasions in fact has not done anything outside normal parenting. (The sins of past others are played out onto the representing figure, for example- abusive birth Mother is transferred to adopted Mother.) This can change however if the child 'needs something' or 'needs to be met' they then can be charming, giving the Alienated parent false hopes in the relationship.

The child alone comes up with ideas of denigration. The "independent-thinker" phenomenon is where the child asserts that no one told him to do this (Gardener 1980). They of course have learnt to become this way by learning the skills from their environment; TV, Games, internet can have an impact. However the attitude of the idolised parent, friends and family can impact the perception of the child by enhancing it by their say and reaction to that of the Alienated parent. The child thinking they are right and the Alienated parent wrong, thus behaviour repeats and possibly increases as no boundary or help for the Alienated parent was put in place.

The child does not demonstrate guilt over cruelty towards the alienated parent. There is no remorse at all for the treatment towards the Alienated parent and no guilt or ownership owned by the child often remarking 'they deserve it". They lock into the denial discounting and ownership of what they do (shame cycle) and further blame the Alienated parent often voicing "she/he made me get angry" "you made me hit you. This of course we know us impossible, that you can't make or move physically the way someone reacts with their body, and you can't say words that come out of the child's mouth (blame rather than ownership).

The child uses borrowed scenarios, or vividly describes situations that he or she could not have experienced (Gardener 1980). Fact and fantasy are distorted through the perception of Alienation, for their own gain of power and control together with the lack of guilt and remorse. They believe in their theory that the Alienated parent is a risk to the self.

Animosity is spread to the friends and/or extended family of the alienated parent (Gardener 1980). This is the child's view perception and cohesion and collusion of others around them lacking in understanding due to not having an understanding of what they are doing. This adds to the child's alienation of the parent.
The child if challenged they will be in denial of, as it is their reality and perception; therefore deem it is not them but the Adult. Psychologist interventions or attachment specialists would have to work with the distorted view point and underlying issues. This handled carefully can shift the child's root causes and then the Alienation of the Parent. Family therapy input would be of benefit for the family to re connect the dynamics within the family. It is often seen in differing styles of parenting between the parents, Pessimistic Parenting (anything for an easy life gives into the child's demands) and Authoritative (instructs the child, using life skills and personal goals to keep on track and do).

Though the Parental alienation disorder (PAS) has been dismissed by WHO; it is seen in triads of relationships especially when Trauma is involved (it is seen in many Adopted family dynamics). Further studies need to be done to enhance the theory and the practical help than can be given. Gardener (1980) study is more about Parental separation and the alienation affect, collusion of one parent to another within Divorce rather than my study which is looking at the pre existing trauma effects on Child Parent relationships which Alienation occurs. Faller (1998) discuss divorce with Parental Alienation however makes some links when trauma is involved.


References:
Gardner, RA (2001). "Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS): Sixteen Years Later". Academy Forum 45 (1): 10–12. Retrieved 2009-03-31.

Further reading resources:
Bernet, W (2008). "Parental Alienation Disorder and DSM-V". The American Journal of Family Therapy 36 (5): 349–366. doi:10.1080/01926180802405513.

Faller, KC (1998). "The parental alienation syndrome: What is it and what data support it?" (PDF). Child Maltreatment 3 (2): 100–115. doi:10.1177/1077559598003002005.